In the 90s Oprah had a life coach on who said something that shocked her studio audience of suburban moms.
She had asked the audience to make a list of all the priorities in their lives.
Then she asked, “Where are you on that list?”
Lots of the audience did not have themselves on the list at all.
Then she made her outrageous suggestion: (more…)
“Isn’t yelling less damaging than hitting or spanking?”
Yelling is a natural response when your kids are rude, not listening, acting crazy or treating you poorly—or in any other situation that triggers your big feelings.
Today I was on my regular route when I made a decision that changed the course of my day. I listened to this little voice inside of me. I went down the path to the stream and I…
…hopped on rocks.
Yup, that was me – jumping from big boulder to rock to boulder in the stream.
You may be asking, what is the point of sharing this?
The point is that I made a choice to PLAY.
Just yesterday I asked my client, “How would you respond if they were 20-year old exchange students?”
She was frustrated because her 5-year old twins’ potty mouth problem had reached a peak. When it came to the dinner table, it was completely unacceptable.
So what to do?
If you had told me eight years ago that I would not use punishment with my children I would have thought you were crazy. How would I have any control over my children?
I remember getting to know a new family in the neighborhood who didn’t use time-outs and I thought that was nuts. I was not going to be the kind of parent who let her children run rampant.
The funny thing is, now I don’t use punishment and haven’t for years…and my children don’t run rampant, thank you very much.
So what’s the deal?
There were two problems with my earlier ideas about punishment: (1) I didn’t have a clear idea of what punishment teaches children; and (2) I didn’t have a clear alternative model. (more…)